i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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