would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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