There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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