I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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