Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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