I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He keeps bees of course he's weird
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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