I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
