If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
