Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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