i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Such a big mess for such a small penis
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
