What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
