I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
