were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
