FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
