If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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