Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
