So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
