My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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