i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
