I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
