where am i from again
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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