The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
