I could make wine with my vomit
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
