sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
