Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
