god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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