I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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