Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
