I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
