we made out on top of his cat.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
