the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
