screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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