I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
