There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Your penis caused this!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
