I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
