why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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