Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
