he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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