Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
