Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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