Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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