Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
