Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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