my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
