What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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