First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
