No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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