Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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