Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
