Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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