Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
