I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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