Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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