Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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