That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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