I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
