I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
