In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
