i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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